Of all the milestones your child will hit in their young lives, few are more memorable than heading to kindergarten. It’s an exciting but often emotional time—it’s their first foray into the “job” they’ll be at for the next 13 years of their lives and there’s absolutely everything to learn. If you and your child are lucky, they’ll be assigned to a teacher who clicks with them and understands how best to motivate them and communicate with you. Sadly, that hasn’t been the case for TikTok user @punkspaceprincess (great name), who goes by “PewPew” on the app, posted a video to get advice on how best to handle her son’s “nitpicky” teacher.

PewPew began by highlighting the fact that, already, two months into the school year, things aren’t going great with the teacher. From assigning eight pages of homework over a holiday weekend (which turned out to be optional) to regular notes home complaining about typical 5-year-old behavior, like fidgeting, PewPew has felt the teacher’s expectations have been too high and her approach has been too strict.

The latest note home came in the form of a text from the teacher, accompanied by a picture of three coloring pages – one neat as a pin and two more scribbly – reading “We have to work on this! This is his two tries and one of the other students in our class for comparison.” [Sidebar: as someone who has raised two children through kindergarten, I absolutely refuse to believe that very neat picture is an example of a typical kindergartener’s coloring ability.]

PewPew took issue with the message. To start, she acknowledges that her son hates coloring: he loves building, he’s academically ahead of the curve, but coloring is neither his strong suit nor his interest.

“As an artist,” she says “It bothers me that he will not color inside of the lines, but again, he absolutely hates coloring and he’s 5 years old and we are in the second month of the school year.”

Even so, she understands that he doesn’t get to wiggle out of the assignment because he doesn’t enjoy it: there are plenty of things we don’t enjoy that we have to do anyway. But she doesn’t appreciate her son being compared to the children who do like and are exemplary at coloring.

“He’s coloring,” she asserts. “Getting him to color alone is like pulling teeth.”

But the main issue she seems to have taken with the communications from the teacher is one she had to read between the lines. PewPew explains that she lives in southeast Texas where “a lot of people expect corporal punishment as a last form of serious discipline.”

In other words, she felt that she has been receiving pressure from the teacher to spank her son at home. Moreover, corporal punishment in school is in fact legal in 17 states and practiced in 12, including Texas.

“Well, we have left an abusive and domestically violent situation, my son and I,” she says. “I got custody of him because of domestic violence from his father. Corporal punishment for my child is not an option.”

While she says explaining this to the teacher, via a statement she submitted to the school, has ameliorated that particular issue, the exacting messages continue to be a problem. She asked any viewers to weigh in, particularly if they thought she was being biased or unreasonable, ahead of a talk with this teacher.

Reaction from commenters was mixed. Many felt the teacher’s concerns were valid — and, indeed, coloring isn’t frivolous and can be a great indicator of developmental progress —even though many even in that cohort felt her tone and approach were somewhat off.

“It’s kindergarten… he should be able to stay in the lines,” reads one comment. “It’s literally a developmental milestone. He’s going to fall behind.”

“It’s her tone, actually. What a harsh way to say that,” says another commenter. “Coloring might not seem important to many people, but fine motor skills are very important.”

Others recognize the need for PewPew’s son to work on his coloring skills, even if he doesn’t like it, but feels the teacher is being unreasonable.

“I’m a teacher,” says one commenter. “I understand her thought process but no… this is not appropriate of her. He shows clear comprehension of where to “switch” colors and fill the spaces. He doesn’t want to but he did anyway.”

“Kindergarten teacher here!” says another TikTok user. “She needs to give him time. Coloring is not everyone’s favorite task. I would recommend you and her choosing a coloring goal for him to work on. Maybe it’s staying in the lines. Once he masters that move on to another task like filling in all the white space or selecting skin color for skin… etc.”

Many others, including teachers and occupational therapists, were aghast that the teacher would compare one child’s work to another’s. Multiple members of that cohort felt the boy’s coloring skills fell in the spectrum of normal and on-track, developmentally speaking.

Kindergarten is a time when everyone is learning, not just the children in class but the parents who are learning to navigate this new social space.