by Jamie Kenney

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Choosing a baby name can be equal parts exciting and stressful. After all, it’s one of the first big, lasting decisions you make for your little one. Their name will, most likely, be with them their entire lives and so parents approach the decision with a lot of thought and care. But even when you try really hard to find the “perfect” name, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. In fact, Baby Center surveyed more than 450 mothers of children five and under earlier this summer and found that nearly 1 in 10 wish they’d chosen a different name for their little one.

According to the survey, a plurality of moms who regret their name choice develop those feelings sometime within the first year. Only about 6% started having second thoughts after that point. (So if you have a toddler or older, congrats, you probably chose wisely!)

But it’s not all dire news. Many have found work-arounds— 20% say they prefer a nickname (often, though not always, a shorter version of their legal name). And while using a middle name as a first name is sometimes controversial, 15% of those moms say they prefer their child’s middle name.

Just as many of those surveyed (15%) say that someone has outright criticized or even mocked their child’s name (sidebar: who does that?!) and 10% say their child’s personality just isn’t vibing with the name they picked. And yet far fewer — just about 6% — actually go through the effort to legally change their child’s name. As someone who had their name legally changed as a child, I get it: it’s a bit of a process, and it’s one better started sooner than later, particularly since babies begin to recognize their name as theirs somewhere between 4 and 9 months.

So how do we avoid baby name regret in the first place? A 2020 survey from Mumsnet polled over 1,000 parents in the UK about why they regretted their chosen name and found that the #1 reason was that they felt the name was too common (25%). Others (20%) regret caving to pressure to use a particular name and 11% said they regret choosing a name that has pronunciation or spelling difficulties.

With this in mind, consider paying attention to naming trends by exploring the Social Security Administration website, which is both user friendly and very interesting! Also, don’t shy away from difficult conversations with your partner (or anyone else) about why you just can’t get on board with the name they really want you to use. And if you foresee spelling or pronunciation being an issue, try to talk to other people who have that name and see what life has been like for them having that particular name or spelling. (If the name is invented or super-unusual, maybe try talking to other people with similarly unique names.)

But be warned: 32% combined regretted names for reasons that could not have been helped — either it just didn’t feel right (21%) or didn’t suit their child (11%). Still, the good news is that the vast majority of folks do not regret their chosen baby name, so if you’re expecting and still pondering your baby’s name, just relax and go with your gut. Chances are you’re going to love what you pick forever.